Day 39….
I am looking on comparison in my life ….I see that in my mind is only comparison ,is like breath ,constant ,always there , there is nothing there ,but me who always compare me with everything …with words someone speak ,with gesture , anything i listen…i automatic go for comparison in my mind.Its crazy ,really ,…because this real me is not existing …..
I see in my memory this come from a childhood ,when I did hear this all the time :why don't you be like everybody else ? ,my father always said this …and when you are a child ,you do want to please your parents , so there you go in order to meet this requirement, I was looking on somebody else ,how somebody else is acting ,talking …..,so I will be more like everybody else .And the things I want to share or do it ,I just suppress so much …there is no place for me to be Me,because I want to be more like everybody else .Even when I am writing now, I see that I really never ask my father ..what this is mean,being like everybody else ,I just had to find on my own ,how others were behaving and acting ,so there it is ,the training to not be me . Within this I want to take responsibility for creating this personality of comparison and blame ,:
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be engaging in my mind with my toughs of comparison about everything and everyone .
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to live in constant tension in my body and my mind ,because of comparison.
3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself have spiteful thoughts about people ,because of comparison ,because I want to be better then anybody else.
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to act with comparison ,to want to hold on idea of the comparison and being better .
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not stop the mind game ,my mind .
6. I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to always looking for excuse with my actions ,because of comparison .
7 .I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not question my attitude ,because of comparison ,which is so abusive towards life ,towards everybody ,and everything ,…because how can You really compare anything.
8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not push myself to do something about that ,but create in my mind the war against everybody, which is abusive and not acceptable .
9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to lose the humbleness ,to take my breath for granted ,to not see what a chance I have in this life ….!!
10.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be jealous about people ,who I perceive are better ,…to not want to see that in life , the work everybody is putting in order to be good at something .
11.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to play my past in my mind over and over again ,comparing the situations and people in my past ,waisted the time whats happened now ,not being grateful of time now and situations and people around me now.
12. I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to used my past as an excuse to not pushing myself forward ,to not challenging myself enough and then play the role of victim ,victim by me ,victim for me .
13.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself not stoping this personality ,which take over my life till today .
14. I commit myself to work step by step ,to stop this personality of comparison .
15.I commit myself to release this personality of comparison ,because its program I carrie thru my whole life ,which totally separate me from real life ,from LIFE .
16.When I see and notice the comparison in my mind ,I stop and breathe and do something physical .
17 . I commit myself to be more aware of breath , using the 4 count of breathing .
thank you for reading !!
